hello, my name is: i need a new lifestyle

desperately seeking a new lifestyle. requirements are as follows...

1.) energy
2.) lack of consequences
3.) fully equipped sewing machine
4.) no pimples
5.) a yard
6.) anxiety free
7.) clothes that fit perfectly (i.e. no saggy but, no bulge, no boobage showing, comfy, vesatile)
8.) job stability
9.) clean floors
10.) finished kitchens
11.) weekend fun
12.) walls that are picture perfectly decorated
13.) dance moves :)